Consent 2.0 – Enthusiastic Agreement Beats Obedient Silence
You’ve probably heard the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual.” Consent is the holy grail of BDSM—but it’s not just a signature or a safeword. Let’s talk about what real consent looks like.
What Is Consent (Really)?
Consent means active, informed, and voluntary agreement to do the thing.
Not “they didn’t say no.” Not “they went along with it.” Definitely not “they owed me because they said yes last week.”
- “Yes, I want this.”
- “Let’s try this position.”
- “Stop now, I need a break.”
Silence isn’t consent. Fear isn’t consent. Guilt isn’t consent. Only consent is consent.
Enthusiastic Consent: The Gold Standard
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.
- Eager participation
- Excited curiosity
- “That toy? Yes, please!” energy
Negotiation: Consent in Action
Before a scene, talk through:
- Boundaries
- Limits (soft and hard)
- Safewords
- Aftercare needs
- Emotional triggers
Pro tip: Write it down. Negotiation sheets or scene checklists can be hot foreplay and good documentation.
Ongoing Consent
Consent is not a one-time transaction. It’s a continuous process.
- “Are you still good with this?”
- “Wanna keep going?”
- “That okay, or too much?”
What Consent Is Not
- A blanket pass (“Do whatever you want to me” = still needs checks)
- Retroactive (“But you liked it yesterday!”)
- Coerced (“If you loved me, you’d let me”)
Reminder: Consent under pressure isn’t consent. That includes emotional pressure.
Safewords: The Final Line
Choose a safeword before play. The classic system is:
- Green = keep going
- Yellow = slow down / check in
- Red = stop immediately
Make sure everyone knows and respects the safeword. No exceptions.
Consent Culture Is Sexy
Normalizing clear, verbal, ongoing consent isn’t just safe—it’s hot.
Asking “Do you like this?” isn’t awkward. It’s confident. It says, “I care about your pleasure.”
Power exchange without consent is abuse. With consent, it’s art.
